You're About as Useful as a Poopie Flavored Lollipop

They had Dodgeball: An Underdog Story on FX last night and I was reminded how many goofy things Patches O'Houlihan said.

The 5 D's of Dodgeball:

• Dodge
• Duck
• Dip
• Dive, and
• Dodge.

If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!

Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No. But I do it anyway because it's sterile and I like the taste.

I get better runs in my shorts!

If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!

You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!